Fred Thompson endorsed Gingrich for wifeswapping skills

Fred Thompson took a moment from his recovery from his monthly hip replacement to explain his endorsement of Newt Gingrich for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination.

"The man has the judgment to make the right calls and the nerves of steel needed to follow through," said Thompson.

He went on to add, "Too often sentimentality or concern for the children will prevent a man from even admitting to himself that his wife has too many miles on her and it's time to trade her in a new model.  Newt has shown repeatedly that he has that vision and can follow through on it."

"Romney doesn't even have to worry about shedding the old ones--he's a Mormon for god's sake.  He could just collect 'em like shot glasses and line 'em all up on a shelf, but he doesn't.  He just has one that I know of. What kind of man does that?"

Thompson has sterling credentials to judge Gingrich's wife shedding.  His first marriage was to the widow of assassinated president William McKinley, who was his entre into politics.  He later shed her for silent film star Clara Bow, several years his junior, who nonetheless helped him get his start in Hollywood.

Most recently and several marriages later, he met his current wife when he attended a tea party with his great granddaughter and her friends.

He did express some reservations about endorsing Gingrich, saying, "I would have paid a little extra and got a wife with some eyelids.  It's going to hard as the dickens for him to shop for the next one when the current one never even blinks."

Asked if there was any downside to the serial marriages practiced by Gingrich and himself, Thompson became somber.

"You know for all these decades and many, many wives, I thought there wasn't. But my current wife, Dakota Fanning, was watching that vampire show, TRUE BLOOD, and on one episode this vampire accidentally had relations with his own great great granddaughter.  When you get to be my age and have spread your seed in so many fields, that becomes a real danger.  My South didn't rise for a good couple of days after I saw that if you know what I mean, not even with the viagra AND that mechanical pump I got implanted.

The nurse then ended the interview by asking us to leave so she could change his diaper.

Fred Thompson flip flops on Tea Parties

Former GOP presidential candidate and Love Boat cast member Fred Thompson took a hard line against attending tea parties, but backtracked when a photo surfaced of him at a tea party event.

Thompson's originally said, "Look, I like my women young but I draw the line at going to five year old little girls tea parties. Besides that, my current wife has a few more years before she's long enough in the tooth that I have to trade her in. Hell, she's still young enough to be the daughter of anybody else in Washington's intern/mistress."

However, Thompson was forced to explain himself though when a photo was posted online of him with several young girls, clearly playing dress up, with tea cups, saucers, and other fancy things.

"One of the friends of my little daughter or great-granddaughter asked me to come over and discuss some policy issues with a group of her friends, and I did not have the heart to say no," Thompson said.

He added, "Had I known it would be a tea party, I would not have attended, and in any case, I was certainly not there trolling for a new wife or even a one nap time stand."

Pundits across the political spectrum have said the incident may hurt his prospects if he decides to run for president again in 2012 or 2016 at the age of 98 or 102 respectively even if rumors that Isaac the bartender will join him on the ticket this time prove to be true.