Fred Thompson quits presidential race

After withdrawing from presidential race in

confusion, Fred Thompson rests comfortably .

Fred Thompson withdrew from the race for the 2008 Republican nomination for president after discovering he was running for president of the United States, not president of his nursing home.

"I couldn't figure out why I had to travel all over the country," Fred said. "I wondered why all those people got to vote about who was president of Soma Acres Nursing Home."

Thompson realized what was happening when a reporter asked him what he would do first when he got to Washington.

"Washington?" Fred said, "I've never been to Washington. Why would I be going there?"

Thompson had forgotten his term as a senator and years as a lobbyist in DC.

Once reporters explained the question, Fred withdrew.

He blames the error on his 22 year old lobbyist wife. "She thinks the movie has just started but my credits are already starting to roll."

Fred said he does not regret his misguided run for president, adding, "If they stop serving warm tapioca for dessert for just one week, my candidacy will not have been in vain."

Being Gopher and Being President

Some people have wondered aloud how being Gopher on Love Boat prepared Fred Thompson for his most important role: being president of the United States.

For one thing, Gopher was a problem solver. If someone wanted to avoid their ex-wife, pretend to a nun when they are actually a prostitute, or know how to kiss a girl for the first time as in the episode with Scott Baio, Gopher was always there to help.

In the same way, he was a public servant. At the beginning of every single episode, he could be seen carrying the passengers bags aboard the ship.

He was also able to deal effectively with people of all races, from the black bartender Isaac, to Asian passenger Pat Morita, to illegal immigrant Charo. In all cases, he was able to interact with them with grace and good humor while maintaining his superiority as a white man.



Needless to say, after serving so much time in uniform on a ship, Fred Thompson will be an excellent commander in chief.