Fred Thompson joins Golden Girls cast

After quitting the presidential race yesterday, former Republican candidate for president Fred Thompson landed on his feet by signing on to star in a Golden Girls reunion movie.

"I always admire the work those young gals did, and was hoping to work with them before I shipped out for the glue factory," Thompson said.

Thompson suggested a storyline with a romance with one of the girls, but the producers thought that since they were so much younger than him, it would not be credible.

Instead, Thompson will star as a senile old man who can't remember who he is who is left on the Golden Girls porch.

Despite his central role in the TV movie, Thompson had few lines to learn. "Since my character is supposed to be senile, they figured it would be easier for me to just sort of respond to what the characters are saying and if I get confused, so much the better."

When the girls start to investigate his identity, they find that he is a former actor, lobbyist, and senator whose young trophy wife convinced him to run for president. When she realized he had no chance of winning, she left him on the Golden Girls porch.

"I don't know where these writer get their ideas," Thompson said. "I can't imagine anything like this happening in real life."

Thompson's wife could not be reached for comment as her cell phone number is no longer working and she has moved without leaving a forwarding address.

Fred Thompson quits presidential race

After withdrawing from presidential race in

confusion, Fred Thompson rests comfortably .

Fred Thompson withdrew from the race for the 2008 Republican nomination for president after discovering he was running for president of the United States, not president of his nursing home.

"I couldn't figure out why I had to travel all over the country," Fred said. "I wondered why all those people got to vote about who was president of Soma Acres Nursing Home."

Thompson realized what was happening when a reporter asked him what he would do first when he got to Washington.

"Washington?" Fred said, "I've never been to Washington. Why would I be going there?"

Thompson had forgotten his term as a senator and years as a lobbyist in DC.

Once reporters explained the question, Fred withdrew.

He blames the error on his 22 year old lobbyist wife. "She thinks the movie has just started but my credits are already starting to roll."

Fred said he does not regret his misguided run for president, adding, "If they stop serving warm tapioca for dessert for just one week, my candidacy will not have been in vain."

Fred Thompson is NOT Kelsey Grammer

Many people have written to ask why Fred Thompson doesn't talk about his role playing the urbane Dr. Frasier Crane on CHEERS and FRASIER the way he does his stint on LAW & ORDER and of course playing Gopher on LOVE BOAT.

The answer is simple. Frasier Crane was was played by Kelsey Grammer not our beloved Fred Thompson.

Side by side photos seem to clear things up:


Grammer looks a good 40 years younger than Thompson. However, without Grammer's stage make up, the difference is more subtle. (Click the photo above to see a comparison to Grammer without make up).

No one would confuse the two if they heard them speak. Kelsey Grammar sounds like an over-enunciating East Coast patrician while Fred sounds like the narrator of those Disney nature movies from the 60s who would tell us what we could clearly see for ourselves like "The bear hibernates in the winter," or "Ducks fart underwater then swim away before the toxic fumes can reach the surface."

Another reason the two are mistaken for each other is their young, blond wives.

A close inspection of this photo reveals a key difference: Fred Thompson's wife is young enough to be Kelsey Grammer's wife's daughter.

UPDATE: The babe-in-arms race continues--Grammer traded in the one pictured above for a much younger model.

In the final analysis, it really doesn't matter if the two are confused with each other. But men enunciate clearly and are highly capable at reading off a teleprompter. Therefore, either would be equally well-qualified to be the GOP nominee for president.